I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
