Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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