Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
