you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
