DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
