9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
