Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
