my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
