ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
