If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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