Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
