I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
