There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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