I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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