The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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