She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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