I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
