Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
