He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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