why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
