I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
