Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
