Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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