i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
