Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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