New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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