I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
