Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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