kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
