And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
