I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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