he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
