i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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