Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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