If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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