there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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