ya dads aren't the best wingmen
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
