Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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