peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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