Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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