oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
