She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize