i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
