let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
