i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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