My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
