Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
