I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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