So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
