it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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