Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
