New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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