Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
