Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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