tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I deserve this hangover.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
