Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize