I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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