I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
