Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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