I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
