I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
