glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
