I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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