woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
