Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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