I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
