come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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