only if we run a train.
done.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
