So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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