I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
