I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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