You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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