my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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