i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
