Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My vagina is officially offended.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
