I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
