Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have fence marks all over my body
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
