before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
